Today; It's all we have

When I look back to remember my freshman year in college, I realize that freshman 15 got the best of me. I’m sure we are all aware what the freshman 15 is, especially the post grad students.  We all leave high school in possibly one of the best shapes we have ever been in and we enter college and all of a sudden, a flood of weight seems to come out of nowhere and hits us like brick. For me it was a little bit over 15 pounds; more along the lines of 20.

I remember the summer after my freshman year all my friends started going to the gym and working out a lot. I watched on the sidelines as they progressed in overall muscular size.  That is exactly what I did all summer, sit on the sidelines. I didn’t try to join them at the gym, I never tried to exercise at home, or go for a run. I just sat there and watched. I did this because of one thing, I couldn’t let go of the past; of my past.

In high school, I swam, a lot. Every day, for 45 minute, I would be in the pool at school. Swimming sometimes until I was on the verge of passing out. When I wasn’t in school, I was at the gym, swimming. The majority of my life junior and senior year was based on swimming.  Sometimes I would end up swimming a mile almost every day.  Along with swimming came the obvious health benefits. I lost about 30 pounds junior year and kept if off for a whole year. I went from a hefty 185 to a lean and toned 155. I was in the best shape of my life by far.  With a healthy and fit body, came a large confidence with women. I went wild. I had self confidence that I never knew I had. These were by far the best days of my life.

Fast forward a year and now I’m a freshman in college. The weight is up and now my confidence is back down. All of my close friends are out getting beach bodies for the summer and there I am, sitting in my self-loathing state of misery. I kept saying to myself and my friends, “man I wish I had my junior year body.” Or “do you remember when I was in high school? My body was amazing.” And the, “I was in the best shape back then.” And that is the exact phrase that I ignored; “back then.” I was so caught up in the past, it stopped me from making my future.  More importantly, holding on to the past stopped me from trying to make a better today.  I had to tell myself and constantly remind myself that continually thinking about the past, about how things used to be, will not get me back in shape. I had to let go of the past and I had to start thinking about today.

In the Judeo- Christian story of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, Christ appears to Mary Magdalene after He rises. As the story goes, Jesus appears outside of the tomb where He was just buried. There He sees Mary crying. He goes up and asks her why she’s crying. Mary, all this time has no idea who Jesus is at the time, tells him that she is looking for the body of Christ. Christ simply calls her name and right then and there, she remembers who He is. She cries out “Rabbi!” meaning teacher in Hebrew, and she goes to hug Him. But Jesus tells her, No, do not to hold on to me. The first command that Jesus makes after He is resurrected is to tell someone not to hold on to Him?

 Now when Mary sees Jesus again, after all this time she thought He was dead, she all of a sudden, remembers the past. Mary remembers how things used to be, how Jesus would teach, lead them to places, and heal people, and how He had changed her life, drastically. However, Jesus sees and wants a new day. Jesus did not come back to life to go back and teach, He did not come back to life to walk around with the Disciples, to eat meals with them and laugh and live with them. Jesus didn’t come back to make things go back to “how they used to be.” Jesus came back to change things; He came back for a new day, a new reality. He tells Mary not to hold on to Him the way she used to because things will not be the same; they will not be how they used to be, things have changed.

How many times do we tell ourselves that? That life was better “back then.” That “I wish I could go back.” Many of us, especially the “middle age crisis dads”, long for the past. In past relationships, how many times do we say to ourselves and our former partners, “can’t we go back to the way things used to be?” Or things like, I wish I could go back with him or her. As sad as it sounds, some of us could live our entire lives living in the past.  Longing and wanting for how things used to be. Our minds and our hearts are forever stuck to the days where things seemed to go our way.

The wonderful thing about life is that it is always changing; it is not a static concrete event. People grow, live, die, they move away, they change. People break up and get married, and divorce, or lose their jobs, and there is no stopping it. Life is never what we plan is it? And things will never go back to how they used to be will they? If you cannot let go of the past, then how could you ever learn to embrace the future?

There is so much to be had in the future! No, there is so much to embrace today! Today is filled with opportunities, more than we can ever imagine. If I never let go of my junior year, I wouldn’t be in the best shape of my life today. I would have never been able to move past my hefty 185 and make it down to my lean 170. The point is, is that today is all we have in this life.

So what should we do with the past? Totally forget about it altogether? Should we totally cut off all ties with the past, with what has happened? It’s surprising for me to say this but, no we shouldn’t.  There's a lot of polarity that life has to offer; the good the bad, the bitter and the sweet. Breaking up and staying together. They are all polar opposites; like a string wrapped around two poles, there is a tension. The tension is awkward and unsettling at times. But without the tension between the two poles the string has no tone. Just like a guitar string.

The point is, like a guitar string there is a middle ground where you don't shut out both ends of the string, but instead you take both poles, the tension, the awkwardness, and you make a tone. This tone often times sounds great when played right.

You can’t shut out your past altogether because that is like shutting out a piece of your life. That time of your life defines you in some ways. However, at the same time, you cannot hold on to the past forever. There is a middle ground, a place where you remember the times you had and you become thankful for those times. You will always remember when God brought you to that situation and had a reason to take you out. Like a guitar, the tension may hurt at times, but if you find the right spot to settle your finger, there can be something wonderful to come out of it

If you need to grieve about those situations then grieve.  If you want to remember how awesome those times were then remember. If there is an unsettled relationship then make amends but then move on, move forward. Don’t stay there. It starts to get a bit tragic when we start to make ourselves believe that things were better back then, in the past. The problem becomes this: we are not fully present today and the people around us that are present in our lives suffer because we are just not there; we are stuck in the past. By the time we do get around to being with the people who are in our lives now, the time would have already past and you would have missed it. We might never get that second chance to tell them that we care, that we love them, and that we are there, with them, in the present.

There is a saying that says that yesterday has past by us, tomorrow is not promised, so today is all we have in this life. Right after Jesus tells Mary not to hold on to Him, He tells her to go and tell everyone what has happened. He gave her a part, He essentially gave her something to live for, today. So my friends, I hope and pray that you remember the past, celebrate what has happened, but let go of it and embrace a new day that God has set out for you and me. I hope that you all embrace the fact that God has given us a new spirit to hold on to now, this very moment, at the end of this sentence, today.